If Only by Vampgirl79

"Come over, I need you. Now." As always, I go to her. Except this time it may be the last. I love her deeply, but I don't know if I can do this anymore. Each goodbye is harder than the last one. I want more than just being hers behind closed doors. If only we could truly be together; if only we were meant to be.

The Gist

Plan and simple this is a cheating fic. Edward and Bella are each other’s true love but perhaps falling in love too young meant that it was a love that couldn’t hold as they grew into adulthood.

Edward and Bella are both in committed relationships but have been engaging in an affair together for about a year. Edward yearns to run away with Bella and start the life he was meant to live but something’s holding Bella back. 

Edward and Bella

Having fallen in love as high schoolers, Edward and Bella struggle to make their relationship work long distance once they get to college. They break up but reconnect years later (for reasons which have not fully been explained). The love Edward has for Bella is all consuming and to a point desperate as he knows that neither of them are happy with the affair but he is unable to give her up.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I continue setting myself up for heartbreak over and over again? I'm a fool who is madly in love that's why. I believe in us, I believe with all of my heart that we can build a future together. If only she wasn't so damn scared and he didn't have such a fucking hold on her!

Stroking her thick hair, I sigh quietly. "You're right, maybe it's not fair. But, it's also not fair to keep doing this to each other, to them. So…go away with me, Bella. Tonight. I'll help you pack some of your belongings and-"

She shakes her head and the torn expression etched on her face rips my heart in half. "Eddie, I wish I could, more than anything, but-"

"No, no excuses this time. Let's do it. We will go anywhere you desire, as long as we're together."

Bella takes a deep breath, lays her head down on my chest and I feel a single tear slip out of her eye. "Edward, stop. Please, just don't."

Gently, I cradle her face between my hands, forcing her to meet my gaze. "Bella, I love you more than my own life, more than anyone else in this world. You know that, don't you?"

She nods as more wetness releases out of her eyes and glides down her rosy cheeks. "Yes, of course I do. And I love you too."

"Then that's all that matters. Let's just quit thinking and just…do."

Why Read This?

This fic is a newbie, with only 5 chapters but it’s definitely a page turner. Or is that screen scroller? I want to know why Bella feels compelled to stay married to her husband and why she seems almost fearful of leaving him. The love between Edward and Bella is compelling and despite the fact what they’re doing is wrong, you still root for them to figure out their lives so they can be together as they are supposed to. 

Will Edward realise his dream? Most likely but it’s gonna be a hard road.

Read it here: If Only

Brown Study by Littlesecret84

Bella's dreams have a way of coming true. But what will she do when the man she dreams of appears in her life as a boy who is less than ideal? Will finding him mean losing her BFF, Jane? Does knowing the future change the present? Rated M for adult stuff.

The Gist:

Brown Study is my most favourite fic. I can't tell you how many times I've read it. I can't literally open up any chapter, start reading, and be totally compelled to read the entire fic again.

The story starts with a young Bella and her premonitions of a man she is head over heels in love with. She see a vision of the love of her life and wonders when he will actually make an appearance. In walks Edward Cullen who is starting high school at Forks and Bella knows that he is special.

What follows is the flirtatious push and pull of two teenagers who are insanely attracted to each. However as soon as they come together, life pulls them apart. Bella is completely heartbroken and stubborn, figuring her life will be off not having Edward in it. The story then skips along Bella's future until she bumps into Edward at a party, immediately knowing that she still loves him but will he come back to her?

Edward and Bella:
What I love about this fic is the heartfelt, passioned stream of consciousness Bella has for Edward. She loves him wholly despite the years apart, the hurt she felt, and the life and the live-in girlfriend that Edward just doesn't seem prepared to leave. She gives herself fully, having faith that he will wise up. 

Bella and Jane:
This is one of the more true to life friendships between two girls that I have ever read. Bella and Jane are childhood bests and live for each other but as they grow up, they also grow apart, with Jane becoming a negative element in Bella's life. The way this relationship plays out is so relatable.

This Is Why You Should Read: 
It's sexy, it's real, it's romantic and it has love pulsing through it.

He says nothing for a while, but holds me tight and squeezes hard, like I would hug my dad after a particularly bad fall, or my mom when I'd find her crying in the kitchen.

"I have to stop," he says, and his lips finally, definitely touch my skin, and there's a gentle trembling where his chin meets my shoulder.

"But… but what if I have to know that you want me?" I ask, not sure where these words are coming from, because they sound strange and needy, and make me feel a little sick.

"What if I have to have this?" I continue.

He moves against me, like other men have before him, and also like he did before any other man, and silently tells me he does want me. He doesn't get it.

"I'm not talking about a natural physical reaction to being close like this… I meant… really want me." My voice breaks on the last few words, and I don't want to cry again.

He squeezes again, sitting up and bringing me with him. He holds me tighter. He opens his eyes and brings his mouth so close to mine. I whisper "tighter" and his forehead meets mine, and his arms are so tight around me, I could break.

"I'll hold you the tightest," he says.

Pretty boys shouldn't be allowed to use pretty words, or convey pretty emotions. It's just not fair, because if I end up with a random guy, say Tom, Dick, or whoever, fifty years from now, what I'll remember is Edward Cullen, holding me like he'll die if he lets me go, almost kissing me and saying things that make my heart soar to heights from which I can never bring it back. So poor, poor men of my future. You now have two Edwards to compete with, and lose against.

Read it here: Brown Study

Lack of Color by Coldplaywhore

He paints; she inspires. Together they are whole, until one day they are separated, breaking him of his soul. Five years later, she's not his. Can she be again? ExB AU AH M for language and lemons.

This is a great little fic and what might make it an even better proposition to you is that it's complete! God, don't you fucking love those completed fics? I sure do, nothing like knowing you won't have to have your heart in your throat for a whole week waiting for an update.

Bella meets Edward after answering an ad he placed looking for a model. Bella's got a lotta bills she as to pay for and this job provides the perfect opportunity for her to earn good money quickly. 

24 year old meets 19 year old Edward and an instant attraction is felt. It really is a only a matter of time before they succumb to the feelings that crackle between them and to be honest this artist Edward is sultry hot for such a young boy.

"Why did you agree...to pose nude, that is?"

"Well, first of all I haven't been completely nude yet," I mused as Edward gave a small laugh. "And secondly, I need the money. I'm really close to losing my apartment and I refuse to take money from my mother, yet again."

"Okay."

"That's all I get is an okay?"

"Yeah. I mean, you've been a great model today and I've enjoyed spending time with you, getting to know you. I don't really care what brought you here, I'm just glad you are, you know?"

"I know." I smiled sweetly at Edward and he went back to working away, asking me the most random questions about growing up in Forks, and what my favorite movies and bands were.

It was all very casual and easy until he moved away from the canvas and came towards me, bending at the knees in front of me. "I need to move your sash."

"Alright," I squeaked, somewhat unsettled because I knew that the sash for the robe was currently draped between my legs. This would either end badly or... I didn't even want to think of the possibilities.

I watched, taking a nervous gulp, as Edward moved his hand between my legs and reached for the sash to move it to the side. Unfortunately, or fortunately if you were me, his finger slipped between my wet pussy lips before finding their true goal.

Edward froze. His eyes, clouded with both lust and anxiety, as he stared me down. "I am so sorry, Bella," he stammered as he rose from his spot and headed directly into the bathroom, closing the door with a slam behind him.

"Fuck," I groaned as I sat there, my body trembling with apprehension.

However the relationship ends abruptly and the reader is brought to the present through E's POV. Edward's life spiralled out of control when he & Bella broke up and only now is his life getting back on track. However his art was a casualty and he's been unable to connect with anyone since. Unfortunately life gets a lot harder when Bella comes back into his life, the fiancé of his douche bag cousin Peter. Why is she with him? How did they even meet? Why is Bella so different from the vibrant woman he first met? Can Edward get over the resentment and abandonment he feels? Can he stay away from Bella? Well this is all answered but it's not as simple as Edward once thought.

Read it Here: Lack Of Color

Open by SammieLynnsMom

He was right and they were wrong, and that was all he had to stand by. With his career soaring and his marriage sinking, will Edward see they were right all along? What will he learn along the way?

This is a relatively new fic only 5 chapters in and I'm getting on board because I think this could be something great. It certainly has one of the most intriguing banners I've seen in a long while.

Edward has begun seeing a therapist, Dr Banner to work through why he made the disastrous decision to be in an open marriage with his wife Lauren. He loved Lauren and centred his life around her but after several years their relationship has broken down completely with Edward wanting out. 

"Edward," she continued as I huffed. "I get it. It's hard. But it's not fair that I have to sit by and watch you mope. You'll get over it and find someone new. This is why I don't do what you do; you get way too emotionally involved. However, you're home now. It's just me and you here, remember? That was the agreement."

"Lauren, I'm done," I stated so quickly it felt like I was ripping off a Band-Aid. "I can't do this anymore. I'm done."

"Okay," she drew out as her face fell. "Well, if you want to take a break, I guess we could. I'll need to make a few calls, but how long do you want to stop for? I have something Friday, but…"

"No, Lauren, you're not listening. You don't need to make any calls, except to a lawyer. I'm done with you," I explained as calmly and evenly as I could manage.

Edward recounts his recent life to Dr Banner and at times it's hard to read about how in love his was initially was with his wife (strange only because it's Lauren of course) but there is a definite undercurrent of something else at play since we all know it must have been Bella that finally busted up that sham of a marriage.

"Walking away from her was the hardest thing I've ever done," I admitted with my face planted firmly in my hands.

"Why?" She continued to push for more like she always did.

"Because…" I sighed as I looked up, willing myself to form the words. Trying to find, deep down, where I had gone wrong while praying that I could still put the pieces back together. "Because she was home. When I was with her, I felt like the world made sense and it wasn't about being right anymore. I just wanted to be happy…happy with her."

"Do you still think you could be happy with her?" she asked next.

"Yes," I replied without missing a beat. A smile played on my lips as I thought of her brown eyes shining at me the day I took her to the beach. "If only she'd return my phone call."

He could be talking about Lauren but we all know it's Bella. 

We've only just really begun Edward's journey and are yet to meet Bella, I'm hanging out for it and I'm crossing my fingers we don't have to wait to much longer.

Read it Here: Open

Close Your Eyes by CaraNo

Bella barely remembers her godparents, but after losing her mom and dad, she's shipped off to rainy Washington to live with the Cullens for her final semester in high school. On the outside, the Cullens are perfect. Behind closed doors is another matter.

Straight off the bat, this Edward is initially unlikable. Egotistical, a bully and a loner, Edward is the high school boy you don't fuck with. No true friends or any real connections, it seems Edward is cruising through high school through adoration and intimidation. That is until Bella shows up.

Bella, a new orphan is taken in by Esme and Carlisle Cullen much to Edward's disdain, although he does proceed to use Bella by taking her to his secret cabin, getting her stoned and having sex with her. Don't be fooled though, Bella knows what kind of boy Edward is and is under no false pretences with him however as they spend more time together their relationship finds unique pressure points in which they bond.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself," I add, folding my arms over my chest.

"I'm sure you are," he chuckles and steps on the gas. "But I need people to understand that you're off limits. You're mine now, Tinks."

Tinks?

"Who the hell do you think you are, you prick?" I snap. "I'm not a fucking possession you can control."

Been there, done that.

"Calm your tits, Bella," he laughs, only infuriating me more. "This is just how shit is. Fucking deal with it. As long as you and I are fucking, other dudes need to know not to come on to you. And I'm Edward Cullen, all right? My word is law."

Trouble is, whilst Edward steamrolls everyone in his life, his home life is a nightmare. Regularly abused by Carlisle, Edward tries all he can to please his father with the hope of being able to get away to college once high school has graduated. You can now understand why he treats everyone else with such aggression however Bella sees through all of this. She has actually been there before and wants to save Edward from another vicious beating and the sick family environment. It's not going to be easy though since Edward doesn't want to let (yet) and will even sabotage Bella's efforts (even to the point of humiliating her) in an effort to save not only himself but more importantly Bella as well.

Don't let the violence turn you away. It is a gut wrenching fic but sometimes you need that. Sometimes you need to be confronted with the ugliness to appreciate the bittersweet. Currently Edward, is aware of his love for Bella but is so terrified of losing the imaginary facade that he is willing to destroy Bella's character. It's rough, it's a little complex and I think it's still going to be a rough ride but definitely worth the journey.

Read it Here: Close Your Eyes by CaraNo

Constant Bearing, Decreasing Range by beegurl13

Two consenting adults. One wants more. What happens when the other doesn't, and never will? Is there such thing as true love in the real world? And will they see what's coming before it's too late? E/B, AH, M. For The Twilight 25 Round 6 Challenge

There are quite a few fics out there that start with a lot of moaning and groaning caused by Edward ploughing into some non-Bella skank. What caught my interest initially is that this time it's Bella sexing it up... and not with Edward. Now Bella is no skank and this isn't even a serious relationship she's involved in but it is a definite goodbye because Bella is moving from Arizona to Washington state to be near her sick father.

Her father is grateful for Bella's attention but also recognises that she may need her space and as such provides her with an apartment above the bar that she will be managing in Clallam Bay. Clallam Bay is also one of the ports for many fishing crews that work the oceans later in the year. Edward is the Captain of one of these boats.

Now this Edward is seriously sexy and confident but he should be, having bedded many of the single women in Clallam Bay. You know the saying "one in every port"? Well I'm surprised Edward doesn't have this stitched into his cap. Bella knowing what she's getting herself into embarks on a frenzied one night stand (literally) and then a casual relationship with Edward. Casual because Edward doesn't do relationships, never. So Bella fights her growing attraction as Edward seems oblivious to his.

At the end of his stay Edward sails off into the sunset with the goal to get to Argentina and Carmen. Now don't hate on Edward just yet. Admittedly Bella isn't Edward's first love, it's the sea and he's been living this carefree lifestyle for so long, the boy doesn't really know what he's feeling or doing.

Bella suffers though from his confusion and apparent lack of concern and when Edward does return the next year, he learns pretty quickly that Bella is no pushover and that he can no longer behave hoorishly anymore. 

So why do I love this fic? Well it's Edward (big surprise) but he's an ass. He's fucked around, albeit in a very open honest way, but when he does realise he wants to be solely with Bella he commits his heart to her. Problem is this boy has never been in a relationship and he screws up many times, sometimes in a huge way. This Bella is also quite interesting. Cognitively she knows what she initially agreed to with Edward but is still willing to follow her heart no matter how long she has to wait for Edward to come around or home.

"There's a reason I didn't want you to write me, or call me. There's a reason I couldn't have any contact with you. Last year when I sailed out of this harbor, it was the first time in my whole life that I got to the Pacific, and I wanted to turn around."

Wait, what? He didn't want to leave? I look to my left, trying to see him sitting at the bar, without making it obvious, and what I see tears my heart out. He's sitting with his beer bottle between his hands, staring down at it. His shoulders are hunched over, and I've never seen him look this defeated before. I want more than anything to go to him, to pull him into my arms and beg him to just tell me why he did what he did. Why he had to be with other women. Why he had to leave me. Why? I don't understand why.

"I don't have relationships because they aren't a luxury I can afford. My life isn't like that. And for the first time, all I wanted was to be able to stay here with you, to not have to leave. To stand next to you on that dock and watch as my crew sailed away. But I couldn't. You don't even understand how tightly I'm bound, Bella. You have no idea."

This fic seems to be winding down and the second half is focussed on how to make this long distance relationship work (plus some intense drama) but it has certainly been addictive and heartfelt.

Read it Here: Constant Bearing, Decreasing Range

Back to the Oldskool

Last Tango in Forks by Awesomesauce76

Bella Swan has spent a lifetime putting everyone else's needs before her own. Could a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger begin to change all of that? AU/AH

When I came upon Last Tango in Forks, I was still a baby to the fanfic world. Meaning I had no real sense of what I liked to read, didn't really understand the conventions of fanfic writing and wasn't aware of authors or stories. 

When LTiF started popping up on my twitter feed, I took a look and was hooked just like the hundreds/thousands of other readers who would squee when this fic updated. So this was my first real introduction to a highly sexual and emotionally charged fic.

Based loosely on Last Tango in Paris, Bella wanting to move out of her father's house, goes to check out an apartment but encounters another person who is also interested in the apartment and something else

Bella crossed the room and propped herself on the window ledge. "Listen... I'm sure you'd love for me to get the hell out of here. Even if you don't want the place, it's obvious that you need some privacy." He grimaced in response to her words but maintained eye contact. "Are you alright?" After what felt like minutes he shook his head slowly. "It's just that... I would feel terrible if I left here and didn't at least try to help." She tried to smile but it felt odd under his scrutiny. After a long pause she took a deep breath and bit the bullet. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," he choked out. Although his voice sounded raw to Bella as if he'd been screaming, she wasn't surprised to hear the musical perfection behind it.

"What can I do?" She didn't notice that she had stopped breathing until she needed to speak.

He moved then, slowly walking towards her like a wildcat stalking its prey. The closer he got to her, the more she could feel something growing and tingling, as if an electric current was shooting between their bodies. He didn't stop until he was right in front of her with his arms on each side of the window, effectively caging her in. He even smells beautiful.

He looked deep into her eyes for almost a minute, allowing the electricity to build between them to a breaking point.

"You can let me fuck you," he whispered.

Hmm, wonder what she'll do? Well considering the above is just from the first chappie, you can probably understand how a lot of us stood no chance with this fic.

So what are the pressure points of this fic? Bella may be in this torrid 'no names allowed' sexfair with Edward but she's also in a relationship with Jake. One that presumably is supposed to lead to marriage and a banal existence. Edward an artist, is battle scarred from the death of a wife he never should of married and losing himself into the excesses of the art world rather than the his actual art. He's come home to reconnect with his family but struggles to meet them half way. Bella also knows his family quite intimately and thus you wonder "When are Edward & Bella going to meet!?!". As their feelings for each other grow around each other, it becomes increasingly difficult for the both of them to not be engaged in the life they actually want. 

This is a candy popping, infinite thumb scrolling fic and a classic that everyone should know about.

Read it Here: Last Tango in Forks

Make or Break Me by cruiz107

Bella, homeless and in need, collides into a man that can't be bothered with her. Is he the one who's going to pick her up or leave her in despair?

Straight off the bat, this fic is tough. It deals with homelessness in a brutal and what seems to be an honest way. Cruiz107 drives the reader into this bleak environment from the very first chapter and doesn't pull any punches.

Bella has been on the streets for 3 years after being overwhelmed by the death of her parents. She's literally living day to day, scrounging an existence just so she can make it to the next day. She prostitutes herself out, puts herself in very dangerous situations, is often dirty, cold, hungry and bored. It's a horrible turn of events as you discover that Bella was once a talented artist, one year from completing college and living a happy life.

Nothing is easy in Bella's life and her life only gets harder when she accidentally spills coffee over Edward one Sunday after bumping into him on the way to a clothes charity handout. He is livid and regards Bella with disgust, making Bella feel even more insignificant. Bella then attempts to make $300 to replace Edward's shirt her coffee ruined but after making almost half the money, she then is assaulted and comes into the view of a dangerous man, Peter. 

Bella and Edward apparently are meant to be in each other's lives as they cross paths each day. Edward taking pity on Bella's hardship begrudgingly offers her a job painting a potrait of his parents which eventually leads to her staying at Edward's. From there you find that Bella and Edward's lives interconnect more personally than they ever realised. 

This Edward is intriguing, in the fact that he is conveyed as a man that is ill tempered, with little patience and  mostly unsympathetic towards Bella. He is the driving force that keeps me invested in this fic because after several chapters, it is clear that he now feels something for Bella but is unable to express that in a positive way. He does not understand the life that Bella has endured and interprets her behaviour in broad ignorant strokes. You can tell he feels pulled to Bella but as yet does not trust her completely.

Bella is not an innocent, she has made the choices which lead her to a vagrant life and as a reader you feel conflicted between feeling sympathetic to her plight and irritated at the effect her choices have made to several people's lives including her best friend Rose. Nevertheless her account of life on the streets is at times so visceral and heartbreaking that I felt on the edge of tears from the acts of violence Bella endures to the general ignorance of herself as a person.

The first group of people came nearer and I groaned inwardly. I hated asking young girls for money – they were the worst. But I was desperate.

"Can you spare any change?" I asked, looking down at my feet and not able to meet their eyes.

"Seriously?" one of them scoffed. "If it's to buy a bar of soap then I'll think about it." Her two friends laughed with her. "Oh, and you smell like piss." They continued walking and laughing at my expense.

I tried not to let words hurt me, but it was an impossible goal. The only thing I could do was to push it to the back of my mind and move forward.

"Can you spare any change?" I asked a lone female walking with ear buds in her ears. She kept on walking, not even acknowledging me. I wanted to think that it was because she couldn't hear me, but I saw her stiffen when I asked.

I asked the next few people I saw, getting the same response from them all – I was ignored.

I stuffed my cold hands in my pockets, ready to walk away. I had only been soliciting for about twenty minutes but I already felt defeated. I was going to have to come to grips with the fact that I would not be eating today.

Oh and there is a reason why Bella smells like piss and no one would laugh if they knew. Like I said, Make or Break Me asks you to fully invest yourself into a world that you hope never to experience but what rises it to the next level is that you realize it's not going to be as simple as Edward saving her. If he actually wants to at all.

Read it Here: Make or Break Me

Someone Like Your by IReen H

Age of Edward Judges Choice Winner: Bella struggles with mental illness, Edward struggles with fidelity. Story set in 1950 with flashbacks through the 40s. Title based on "Someone Like You" by Doris Day.

You know what I love? I love when you bored, restless searching aimlessly for fics through lists, blogs and facebook pages. You see one fic, read the summary and think 'yeh nah, not for me', but then eventually you decide to read. However halfway through you physically stop and think, "why did I wait so long to read this?!". This is what Someone Like You by IReen H is to me.

This fic, hands down, is the best o/s that I have read in as long as I can remember. Come to think of it, it's one of the most well written fics I've read in a long time, period.

Set in 1950, Bella & Edward's marriage is slowly crumbling. Bella, who suffers from mental illness that has only become worse because of World War Two, lives on a knife edge trying to be the 'good wife' whilst maintaining a grip on her sensibility. She feels Edward slipping away and he is. Edward has found comfort with another but maintains his commitment to his marriage. Shit hits the fan when Bella starts to suspect there is more than one person in her marriage.

Bella walked over to him purposefully and inhaled deeply through her nose. "You smell of Shalimar."

"Bella – YOU wear Shalimar."

"Not since Christmas, when you gave me the Miss Dior Cherie."

"And you wear that?" She didn't. It was gathering dust on her vanity.

"Sometimes." She whispered.

"Sometimes. Like when you have dinner ready on time? Sometimes." His tone was annoyed, and he was already regretting it, but then he thought of Maribel. Her warm mouth, her warm welcoming body. Just get through this, he told himself.

Fire flashed in Bella's eyes, cocoa turned to steel. "You scarcely take meals here anymore. Honestly, Edward, I don't know why I bother."

"Bella love, you DON'T bother."

I can't praise this fic enough, the tension that pulls underneath that suburban veneer is palatable, with Edward  struggles at once to bring Bella in with one arm whilst pushing her away with the other. This fic absolutely deserved to win Judges Choice in the Age of Edward contest.

Word of warning though, this o/s is not for the faint hearted. It's macabre, a tragedy and angsty as all fuck but I will promise you once you finish the last sentence you will know it was all been worth it.

Read it Here: Someone Like You

Back to the Oldskool

I'll Be Your Lover Too by EdwardsBloodType

Bella is helping her best friend Edward cope with his dark and tragic past while strugging to hide her true feelings for him. When a friend comes to visit, she will force them to recognize their deepest desires.

So thinking about what "classic" fic to recommend, I thought to look at my Favourites List. Well the third fic that I had added in 2010 was a little fic called HIGH ANXIETY. You might have read it. Well there is no denying that HA is one of the ultimate classics but to be honest I find EdwardsBloodTypes' I'LL BE YOUR LOVER TOO to be the first classic fic that I occasionally reread and my first Oldskool rec.

Best friends Edward and Bella are living together and apparently cohabiting quite happily. Bella has just come out of a bad relationship that was originally only intended to be a casual hookup. Edward seems to be coasting through his manwhore life without issue. But, you know how these things go, Bella is in love with Edward but Edward is apparently still suffering from the death of his fiancé Jane several years ago.

When an old tart comes back into town (good old Tanya) Edward begs Bella to accompany him so he doesn't have to suffer Tanya on his own. Bella agrees to the night out and what unfolds is a night of first time drugs and a threesome. Admittedly this threesome is going to blow your mind a little but not because it's just a steamy lemon but because Edward is actually also in love with Bella and believes this could be his only way to express his love for her. 

From that point there is another night of group sex (also involving a young actor Robert Pattinson) and the ramifications of what these expressions of intimacy mean for Edward & Bella. They struggle to process what the sex meant because they are unable to communicate properly to each other and this is exasperated  with a pre booked holiday to Mexico.

What brings me back though to this fic is the flawed characterisation of Edward, he's damaged & guilt ridden but not for reasons you may think. Bella also must come to terms to opening herself up to Edward without any fear. Finally combined with the insane crackling lemons this is one for the shelf.


Read it Here: I'll Be Your Lover Too

Hold Me Down by peristew

Not me. That's who this girl is. She is not me. And for the first time, Edward wants someone who is not me. The tequila sits at the bottom of my stomach and begins to grow tentacles. I am tequila brave.

I like this Bella. Right from chapter 1 I knew I could relate to this Bella. When things get tough have another shot of tequila and a cigarette, yup I definitely believe in this philosophy. The fic opens with Bella having to meet her 'boys' for their usual drinks catch up. Only tonight is different, tonight Edward is bringing his new girlfriend Kate which completely freaks Bella since this is an overt gesture that he is serious about this new girl. Whilst it's not fully explained yet, we get that Edward & Bella have intense history with each other. Bella has wronged Edward in someway and apparently has caused their separation but why and how?

Only 5 chapters in and I've got that twitchy feeling when I know this has the potential to be a rocking fic. I was hooked by the end of the first chapter (which rarely happens) and want more. Think you'll like it too.

"I fucking hate this," I blurt out. Word vomit. I look away as he hangs his head low, the cigarette dangling from his lips. He exhales and squints his eyes to look at me through the curtain of smoke.

"I don't know what to say," he whispers.

Say you forgive me. Say that you know that I can do better and that you're willing to really let me try. Say you love me so fucking much that you could throw away that pretty little thing in there and be with me again.

I don't say any of that. I move closer to him. He doesn't step back. We are so close that he has to take the cigarette out of his mouth to keep it from burning me. I move closer still. He doesn't move away but keeps his eyes down, focused on his feet. I can tell that he knows he should move somewhere, anywhere, because his breathing becomes labored. There is hesitation in his movements.

"Edward," I whisper pleadingly. Desperately.

He meets my eyes.

"Don't." He shakes his head.

Read it Here: Hold Me Down

One Night by mamasutra

One night of confusion. One night of blissful wantoness. One night of illicit love. One night that makes you feel alive again from the risks taken.

This story starts with Edward sitting at a bar spying a beautiful Bella across the way. As he watches her, he sees another man approach and Edward decides that he can't allow this. What unfolds from this point is a very passionate night of sex and consumption with it being clear that Bella and he are deeply involved. 

So what's the kicker? Well Edward and Bella are married, to other people. 

Uh oh, there's the rub.

Next morning they both go back to their lives and families whilst manipulating another chance to see each other. 

So why read this cheaterward fic? Well it's not an easy read. In fact Edward is selfish and deluded in living a life without any real reflection about what he is doing or why he is doing it. He cheats but has no intention of leaving his wife. He desires Bella fiercely but does not offer real hope of a future commitment. Bella's not without blame either. She knows she's engaged in a deceitful relationship but can't give Edward up, because she's in love and a little afraid of what the consequences would be. The pull of this fic is that there is a genuine tenderness between Edward & Bella who were brought together through a heart wrenching situation. Unfortunately they have now ended up in a bad place so you are left wanting to find out if Edward will sort his shit out and rise to be a good man and whether Bella will 'fess up to Edward about what is going on in her life.

In my opinion, Mamasutra is currently the reigning queen of angst. If you want fics that will tear you up and leave you raw then she is definitely an author you need to put on alert. 

Read Here:One Night 

A Burning Man by QueenBeee78

While Bella's life hangs in the balance, Edward tries his best to hold on to his sanity. Sometimes you don't realize what you had until it's almost too late. 

Edward reflects over his relationship with Bella as she lies ill in hospital. The prognosis is not good and Edward must come to terms with how he's conducted his life and his feelings towards Bella. 

Walks a nice line of adoration and regret as Edward realises that the hurt he inflicted on Bella would destroy them both.

Angsty and honest with a little B plot line involving another tragedy.

Read it here: A Burning Man